Over the years of hiring staff, the comment made most about the last leader they worked for was, “They just didn’t care.” – not, “They were bad.” In fact, most of what they said was very positive, simply that there was no intimacy, and that was what they wanted more than anything else.

I’ve seen more times where leadership fails from lack of intimacy than from any other cause. I had a Worship Leader tell me after 5 years working for a Pastor as his last church, the most intimacy he had was one dinner out. All communication was done by email. I had another Worship Leader tell me that as a staff they met once a week with the Lead Pastor, but there was no intimacy, the pastor didn’t even know the names of his kids. I had a Children’s Pastor tell me that over the years, he could count the times on one hand that he and the Lead Pastor had a one-on-one; no texting, no checking on family, no showing that he cared.

In Mark 9:2 we see where “Jesus took Peter, James and John and led them up on a high mountain by themselves to be alone.”

I must admit for many years I had the attitude, “I can’t be friends and still be their leader”, or “They will just take advantage of the relationship.” Sometimes, with some people that was true. Even with that I would never want to give up the love and friendship I have developed with those I have worked with. My only regret was that I didn’t learn this very valuable leadership principle earlier.

I now know my ministry leaders’ birthdays, anniversaries, their kids’ names and their birthdays. A week doesn’t go by where I don’t email, text them, or call them checking on how they are doing and letting them know how important they are to me. We eat together on a regular basis…not just for staff meetings. I want to pay them more, and they certainly could go somewhere else and make more, but they stay for the intimacy.

“AS FOR ME” I love my staff and they know it.